Apparently Tesco will now only sell "straight croissants" because customers prefer them to crescent-shaped ones as supposedly they are easier to spread jam on! If you hadn't heard already then do check out the Guardian article for yourself.
Back? Good! Now can you please help explain to me: what on Earth is this madness!? It's not April yet so I must presume the media has not fabricated this (a dangerous move these days admittedly, but forgive it!). So, how often do people actually complain about croissants being the correct shape at Tesco?
I for one don't recall mass riots outside outside my local supermarket complaining of jam-spreading breakfast disasters! In fact, in the past two decades of my life so far, I've never once heard any individual complain about the "jam-spreadability" of their crescent-shaped pastries, have you? I thought not.
Also, as a concept it's just completely wrong! Someone should probably let those dunces at Tesco know that "croissant" means "crescent" in French. If you make it straight then you no longer have a croissant you tools! A "straight croissant" is a total contraction in terms. You may as well call a pavement a "sidewalk" and then stick one in the middle of the road... oh dammit America!!
Now look here Tesco: if the croissant was supposed to be straight, the French would have called it a "ligne droite" ...or something. They didn't, because it's not. So don't do this nonsensical thing; if not for the fact it makes you look like complete buffoons, then because sad people on the internet like myself get irate and start ranting bollocks all over their blogs and social media. Peace!
Sidenote: My French is terrible and if you are French (or even frankly if you're not but just can actually speak it better than a wood pigeon, a level which I sadly never quite surpassed): firstly, I'm dreadfully sorry! Secondly, do please feel free to add a comment with a better suggestion than "ligne droite" for naming this ridiculous, bastardised croissant!
P.S. Tesco: your pastries are crap anyway. Maybe you should address that before worrying about how hard it is for someone to try add any kind of favour to them!
Tagged: French, food, pastries, outrage, Tesco, idiots